No. 9: đ„đ°đ
When you reach the worldâs idea of success at the tender age of 19, you learn the rich do indeed get richer. You always knew the poor get poorerâyour familyâs cereal milk went from 2% to boxed Parmalat to powdered instant. Sometimes there was no milk at all.
As life would have it, your first series is called Windfall about a group of friends who win the lottery. âIsnât that rather analogous?â asks a reporter during TCAs.
âWhat?â you ask.
âIsnât that rather analogous,â he repeats in the voice of a cartoon snob. Youâre onstage blinking rapidly. You donât know what analogous means. Snob sighs, âIsnât playing a lottery winner rather analogous to this being your first show? Having your life turned upside down by a bunch of money?â
Oh. You agree that it is. You feel so stupid, youâll never forget the word analogous again.
You now make in a month what your dad makes in a year. What scares you more is how used to money you could getâit must be harder to go from wealthy to poor. (It is, youâll find.) July blurs press junkets with red carpets. Drivers pick you up and take you home and youâre not sure whether to tip. They donât teach you these things in acting class.
They also donât teach you how to dress. Your friend Lyndsy loaned you the silk top youâre wearing with American Eagle jeans. âItâs Poochey,â she said, graciously suggesting something other than your beloved Hanes wifebeater. You can tell youâre sâposed to know who Poochey is, so you thank her profusely and hope you donât sweat. Later you see the label reads Pucci.
Lanaâa co-star whose ass is so peachy you feel the urge to smack it every time she walks by, which startles you âcause youâre not gay, youâre a good, straight Christian girlâbecomes like a Hollywood big sister. She advises youâll probably spend $300 minimum per red carpet outfit and that you absolutely should because this is part of your job now and you will not get far if you donât dress the part. You take this in during a shadeless hike through Runyon Canyon, guilty-excited to go to the D&G at Beverly Center.
Analogous. Maybe itâs not that hard for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle after all.